You Can Save What's Left

During lunch today, an interesting article about marriage caught my attention. Given it was written for someone who was married, I changed all the "marriage" references so it could be interpreted more universally (for the young adult age group).

Coming from a broken family sometimes jades you into thinking that as soon as something goes wrong, you need to see results right away; otherwise the relationship isn't worth keeping. But reading these 10 questions can help salvage a relationship that isn't beyond repair.

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But what is a good-enough relationship? Or, as Tina Tessina, Ph.D., author of The Ten Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make After 40 (Renaissance), would have me ask: "Can I make my relationship good enough?" After interviewing several experts**, I've uncovered ten questions you can ask yourself to help clarify whether or not your relationship, albeit imperfect, is worth a good go:

1. Are you exaggerating the negatives? For the next two months mark the good and bad days on your calendar to get a reality check.

2. Have you already left the relationship by emotionally withdrawing? Or by giving up all attempts to make the relationship better? If so, can you find a way to reengage?

3. Do you get so angry that you hit each other or throw things at least once a month? If the answer is yes, are you hanging on to a terrible relationship because you're afraid of being alone? Or because you're convinced it's the best you can do?

4. If you're frustrated because your boyfriend won't change (you'd like him to be more forceful or manly, for example), is it really necessary that he does? Is there anything in your family history that may be driving your need to transform him? (For example, perhaps your father never stood up for you when you needed him to do so.)

5. Have you been teaching your boyfriend the wrong lessons by not challenging his hurtful behavior? (You don't say anything when he criticizes you in public. He never washes the dishes, so you just do them, resentfully.)

6. Do you have fun together? Even when things are tough do you make jokes about it? (A good sign.) If not, can you make time in your relationship for more play?

7. Are there conflicts that you've avoided in the relationship? What do you fear would happen if you confronted them?

8. Do you simply need more time alone? A weekend on your own every so often to make the heart grow fonder?

9. Has something occurred — a death, a big birthday, a job loss — that's throwing off your relationship and needs to be addressed?

10. Have you done everything you possibly can to make this relationship work? Are you certain he has heard your complaints? Have you tried a relationship-education class or couples therapy? If he won't go to counseling, have you gone yourself to see how you might save the relationship?

<<< (Article exerpt courtesy of msn.com, with changes to all references of marriage)